CBAC Week

I know I haven't updated in awhile, and it's not because I don't have anything to add to the journey I'm on towards a VBAC, but it's because I have needed a break.  Sometimes these things can consume your mind, and when you're stressed to the MAX trying to figure out a move to another state that would still allow you to at least spend Christmas together as a family, it's hard to spend all your energy processing emotions you're feeling regarding your upcoming birth.  My 20 week appointment is Friday and I'm sad to say Daddy B can't make it.  We are both bummed because he really prefers to be at my appointments when possible, plus this is the big anatomy ultrasound (even though we aren't finding out the gender).  Luckily, Amiga C is available to come with me and her sweet husband is watching their toddler so it can just be the two of us. Amiga C is about 35 weeks pregnant with her little boy.  Here's the two of us at her shower yesterday:

Amiga C has had such a different pregnancy this time around.  With her daughter, she developed high blood pressure that progressively got worse, put her on bed rest and lead to induction at 36 weeks.  This time, the pregnancy has been pretty uneventful and she has been very healthy.  At her 20 week appointment, her placenta was close to the cervix and her and I started talking more and more about the possibility of a c-section.  She has been so supportive through this VBAC experience and I think I may have scared her of going to the OR. :(  Definitely not my intention, but it did lead to some good talks between the two of us and how we both feel about our previous births and the ones to come.  C-sections can be absolutely necessary and placenta previa is one instance where they are used as wonderful medical technology!  Thankfully, at 34 weeks they did an ultrasound and we found out that the placenta was now a safe distance from the cervix and that she can move forward with her original birth plan.

That leads me to the topic of this post.  A CBAC is a cesarean birth after a cesarean.  As a hopeful VBAC mom, I know that it could be meant for me to have another c-section.  I've come to terms with that and my main objective in this journey is to simply give my body a chance to give birth on its own.  If I labor and it is just God's plan for me to have a second c-section, then I think I'll be okay with it.

A friend through ICAN posted a link to CBAC Week on the ICAN website.  I ventured over to the site and read through some posts by CBAC moms and am so glad I did.  Here are their full stories.

This quote really stood out to me when trying to figure out how to explain to others why I feel traumatized from my birth with Baby C.

 "I think that most birth trauma stems from a loss of control of your birthing experience – so planning ahead of time ways you can remain “in the driver’s seat” even if your birth plan goes awry is a great idea."

I just want to feel in control this time.  Even though things are absolutely crazy in our life right now with the move, I still feel that no matter where I end up giving birth or how this baby meets the world for the first time, as long as I feel in control I will be able to move on from my birthing experience with confidence that it happened exactly how it was supposed to.