Raw Emotions

I wanted to blog about this while the emotions are still fresh on my mind.

It's a little thing, really, but for some reason it seems so big.

Since this whole thing started, you know... recovering emotionally from the c-section and researching, preparing and praying over a VBAC, it has felt so far away.  When you're this mom who just loves her babies and wants to have that instant bonding moment with them you feel is your right as a woman but never even had the option to have, the idea of a second chance at it pulls at your heartstrings.

I've been researching VBAC for nearly two years now and dreamed of the day I would get pregnant again to work towards that goal.  Well here I sit, pregnant and creeping closer to halfway through this pregnancy every day.  I felt some peace after deciding on Dr. C and then started looking in to a doula.  I emailed two different individuals before the news of the move and both were unavailable.  At the time, I didn't realize how much it bothered me.  Not that it is the doula's fault, but it's just a lot of thought went behind sending out that e-mail to them asking if they thought they fit what I wanted for my birth.  When they said they wish they could, but for one reason or another couldn't, I guess I felt like it wasn't real yet.

So this moving news came and I started looking in to the area in Louisiana that we are moving to.  It has a population of 47,000 or so.  Did you read that right?  The suburb I live in has 153,000 and we were driving an hour north to see Dr. C!  It has been daunting to do searches online for doulas and come up with one name and nothing comes up for VBAC friendly doctors or midwives.

So I contacted DONA International and asked them to send me a list of doulas in the area.  They sent 3 names within a 50 mile radius of the city.  I e-mailed all three this morning.  I didn't know what to expect.  But tonight, I got a reply.  It's nothing elaborate, but it literally made me cry these tears of relief.  Someone out there is interested in my birth!  This may not make much sense... but I guess it doesn't have to.  And if you know these emotions yourself or have talked with me about them, I suppose you probably know where they are coming from.

Just for grins, here is the (edited) reply:

I love your story!! I would love to consider working with you. :-) I had an amazing waterbirth a month ago today, with a midwife. I would definitely recommend her and the center. It is in a hospital, and is a team of midwives with two normal birth supportive doctors.

So this will be short because I have a three-year-old and a one-month-old, lol, but I would like to talk further with you soon. I think by your EDD I would be able to doula for you, and if not, there are some great doulas I think you would fit well with in Lafayette as well. I think you are in a really great place with your decisions and reflection on your  first birth. I have heard some incredible stories about the midwife about very successful, empowering VBACS.

Good for you!!!!!!!!