My First Birth Story

This is a place to document my journey to a VBAC. I'm hoping that it ends the way I envision it, but there are no guarantees. When looking for support in my quest, I rarely came across a personal story that was brutally honest about the journey to their birth. Here's where it started...

Right after I gave birth to my son, I felt this need to act like I was happy. I didn't have post-partum depression and I wasn't experiencing what some moms sometimes struggle with in not feeling connected to their baby... nope. I was mourning the loss of a birth. Something so personal and an experience every mom has a right to go through THIER way. I typed up the following birth story wanting people to think that I was "just happy to have a healthy baby." That's what everyone says, right? Stay tuned for the real birth story. I think you'll notice the difference.

Originally written 9/1/2009 - 6 Days after Giving Birth

The morning of August 26, 2009 I was up at 2:11am. I could NOT sleep anymore because I was so anxious for my scheduled induction at 5am that morning. I made myself stay in bed until 3am and then went to take a shower. Daddy B (the hubby) , my mom and I left for the hospital at around 4:25am and arrived only 15 minutes later the hospital. I checked in and they had me set up, ready to go and on the pitocin by 5am. I came still dilated to 1cm and 40% effaced, as I had been for about 2 weeks. As the levels of the medicine increased, I started to feel more contractions, but nothing I felt I couldn’t handle. Next, my doctor came in to break my water. This was a lot more painful than I expected! Because I wasn’t dilated very far, my doctor had a harder time breaking the bag of waters and it took her a few tries. I had a lot of fluid! Daddy B’s face was so funny as he saw probably half a gallon of clear fluid come out. Little did he realize, this was only the beginning! Once my water was broken the contractions started to get more intense. I dilated to 3cm after they broke my water and was about a 3 on the pain scale of 1 to 10. I told the nurse I thought I could get to a pain level of 7 before I wanted my epidural. Shortly after, she turned me on to my right side. I quickly progressed to a pain level of 5 and then went straight up to 7! My contractions had a really good pattern and we all thought I definitely had made some progress. At this point I asked for the epidural. I had hurt enough! At about 10:30am, I was to the point where I couldn’t just breathe through the pain, but was having to make some audible sounds to mentally handle what I was experiencing.

The anesthesiologist came in and started to perform the procedure at about 11am. The epidural hurt a lot more than I was expecting. I think it was mainly the unknown that hurt because the anesthesiologist had to feel my lower back and find the space in my spine and he pressed hard on my sides and it made me jump. This didn’t make the anesthesiologist happy because every time I moved, I moved my spine and he had to start over. We agreed that I just need ample warning for him to continue without me moving. The numbing medicine wasn’t bad, but I didn’t like the pressure from the epidural needle. Once the medicine started working, I became more tolerable of the pressure and he finished quickly. The epidural was glorious! I really stopped feeling the pain of the contractions but instead could only feel the pressure of the uterus contracting. My contractions stayed in a really nice pattern, but after my next internal exam, I was still only 5cm dilated and about 70% effaced. They inserted an internal catheter monitor to see how strong my contractions were and the strength turned out to be right on track. Our nurses kept moving my position to try to get the baby to drop down in to the birth canal. After another 6.5 hours, my doctor examined me again. The look on her face wasn’t great. I was still at 5cm and 70% effaced and the baby was still in the -2 station. We had a room full of people and she told me that we needed to start thinking about a c-section. I got really overwhelmed and we asked everyone to leave. The situation was that the baby wasn’t making any progress, and although his heart rate was perfect and he was handling the increasing pitocin very well, my doctor didn’t think he was going to drop any lower and it could be due to the shape of my pelvis, which turns out to be curved and shallow. I was really upset. Daddy B asked the nurses to give us some time alone so we could make a decision. We decided to wait one more hour and have no one else in the room so we could focus on laboring by ourselves. The nurses put me on my elbows and knees to try and see if this would move the baby down. I started to feel a lot more of the contractions in that position but stayed like that for about half an hour. My doctor came in shortly after and examined me. I don’t think I will ever forget the look on her face. She was disappointed as well because I had made absolutely no progress. Daddy B had really calmed me down when we were able to be by ourselves and we told her we were ready for the c-section. It was time for our son to be born!

My mom and dad came in the room to wish me luck, followed by some friends. I was nervous. Daddy B got dressed in his OR outfit and looked really cute and it helped to keep my spirits light. They put cuffs on my lower legs to keep my circulation up and then the anesthesiologist came in to increase the medicine in my epidural. He tested this by poking me with a needle and I had to indicate when I felt it was sharp. The more medicine he put in, the higher up I went numb in my chest. I really couldn’t believe how much I thought I could feel when they said I was ready to go for the surgery. At this point, they wheeled me over to the OR. I kept thinking how surreal it was and I was very nervous. I fought back tears the whole trip across the Labor & Delivery unit and once they took me in to the actual operating room, I sort of lost it. I started crying and just kept asking when Daddy B was going to be able to come in. Once they finished prepping me and they put up the blue sheet, Daddy B finally came in. They started the procedure at exactly 7:00pm. There was a lot of pressure and then even MORE pressure. I was scared. Daddy B was wonderful and kept telling me to look at him and concentrate on him. When Daddy B first sat down he said, “I’m not going to look, is that okay?” I said “Yes.” Well as soon as they said they were about to deliver him, Daddy B stood straight up and watched our son come in to this world. At 7:07pm, Baby C was born! He cried right away and that’s when my tears started to flow as well. They had to use a vacuum on the baby’s head because he was stuck down in my pelvis. Daddy B soon left me to go over and cut the cord and help clean him up. We had great nurses that let him feel really hands on even though it was a c-section. It wasn’t long until Daddy B came over with Baby C and sat with me with him for about 20 minutes. He was so beautiful! I gave him his first kiss and then they had to go to the nursery. I was left alone, and although I was very happy about the birth of my son and listening to the nurses and doctors discussing the pot for the weight everyone was in on (Aunt K won!), I did not like that after he was born it took a total of 45 minutes for me to be finished with the surgery. They wheeled me to recovery and I didn’t get to see Baby C until about 11:00pm. The rest is history and all the pain I experienced after the delivery doesn’t matter. I have a perfect baby boy that I can call my own!