36 Weeks and the VBAC Debate

A friend of mine posted about how many days were left in her pregnancy and that made me realize there are only 28 days until my "guess date" (as she calls it!).  That's crazy!

I've had some good contractions that I hope are causing some kind of change on my cervix.  I've definitely reached that uncomfortable part of pregnancy.  Sleep is getting harder and harder during the night and this baby has its little bum so high up in my ribs on the right side that it's really hard to sit upright in a chair.  Baby C never "dropped," but I'm hoping this baby does at some point to give relief to my lungs, stomach and ribs.

Here's my belly comparison from two weeks ago.  I can see the change!

I got a couple great kicks on video the other day:

There have been a lot of great things posted lately on different pregnancy sites and facebook that I've enjoyed.  As the push for VBAC is rising, the push back is rising too.  Many c-section moms who did not have a traumatic experience can't understand why some of us want to try to have a vaginal birth the second (or third, or fourth, etc.) time around.  It is really frustrating to hear something like "I don't understand why it's such a big deal.  I had a great c-section experience and all that matters is a healthy baby.  How I have my baby doesn't affect you."  Well yes, on one hand that is true.  But on the other, it does affect me.  It affects ALL women.  The more women who go through the labor and delivery experience not educating themselves and just blindly trusting our medical system, the more our national c-section rate will just continue to be the atrocious number it is.  There are some of us actively fighting the system to try and reclaim our rights as birthing mothers and demand fully INFORMED consent for all patients.  Yes, there will always be some moms who would rather just take their doctors word for things, but I have to believe in my heart that if more women did their own research or were given full information on risks and reasons from their care providers, many c-sections would be avoided.  

This was a recent blog post.  It is a women try to put "humor" on an elective repeat c-section.  The article is appalling (in my opinion), but the debate in the comments is definitely something worth reading:

http://www.modernmom.com/blogs/jill-simonian/yes-i-m-actually-excited-for-my-c-section

I love the site www.vbacfacts.com, whose author made many comments in the above debate.  It is a great site to go for statistics for BOTH sides of the risks of repeat c-section vs. VBAC.

Also, I've had a lot of friends and family use the phrase with me, "I hope this birth goes the way you want it to."  I feel I need to set the record straight on something I thought I had been communicating all along...

I'm okay with a repeat c-section.  I've done my research, I trust my doctor and I'm giving my body every chance to do what it needs to do naturally.  The main thing I want out of this experience is an EMPOWERED birth.  That birth does not come with the requirement that this baby be born vaginally.  That birth comes with the requirement that I feel I am fully informed on each step of the process and if Dr. C tells me we need to head to the OR, it is a discussion of options and not an order that is prefaced by scare tactics.  I have confidence in the decisions I've made and feel myself and this baby are both set up for the best possible outcome.

If anyone in the birth world is solely focused on vaginal birth over c-section, they've missed the point.  I just wanted to make that clear.

Tribulations

I've been talking to ICAN Baton Rouge and Birth Rite Louisiana, which is a natural birthing group in the area we are moving to that I was referred to by the ICAN ladies.  I've called all references I've received and every single one has said "No" to VBAC.  There are not many birthing centers in the state and the one I was referred to said they love to do VBAC's, but there is a law in LA that a VBAC patient has to live within 50 miles of their midwife or OB in order to be accepted as a patient.  No VBAC supportive doctor in the state lives close enough and we don't know anyone we could stay with around my due date to make that work.  Then the ladies told me that they thought that law only applied to midwives, so I called a doctor I've heard good things about in Baton Rouge.  Left a message for his nurse, but haven't heard back.

I was really discouraged last night.  I think I cried from about 2pm-10pm.  I hadn't eaten, my head hurt and I was so sick of all of this.  It shouldn't be this hard!  Daddy B has been so encouraging.  He always says things like "What WE want,"  "OUR birth,"  etc.  It makes me feel so comforted to know he wants this as bad as I do and he is committed.  I prayed and prayed last night asking God to give me peace if He wants me to have another c-section.  It sure would make everything easier.  But He didn't grant me that peace and instead I feel more determined.  I tried to visualize walking in to a hospital for a c-section without having a trial of labor and the thought literally made me sick.  I just feel convicted that God wants me to TRY.

After talking to Daddy B about all of this, he recommended I call his mom.  His mom is retired and lives in Arkansas, but her husband (Daddy B's stepdad) is actually from the area in LA we are moving to.  So I called her and asked her if she would be willing to come down for longer than planned around my due date so that I could go stay close to the birth center that supports VBAC to enable me to have the baby there.  She didn't hesitate.  I've shared with her some about why this birth experience means so much to me, so it didn't come out of left field when her only daughter-in-law called her bawling her eyes out about everything.  I'm just so thankful to her and her support.  I don't know if she'll ever fully understand how much it means to me.

This afternoon I called the birth center back and they said they'd be happy to take me as a patient, as long as I can guarantee I will be in the area from 38 weeks on and that their backup OB approves my post-op report from my c-section for a VBAC.  Shouldn't be a problem, as I am almost a perfect candidate.

I still have the back up plan to come back to Texas, but there are a lot of things about that plan that scare me.  I would prefer to birth in Louisiana, but if that means I have to get cut, I'll gladly make my way back to DFW to have this baby.

One thing is for sure, after all this is over, I plan to do what I can to help educate people about a woman's rights when it comes to birth.  It is utterly ridiculous that this is so hard.

My REAL Birth Story

Originally written 9/7/2010 - Over one year later

Unfortunately, my birth story isn't unique. While I was pregnant with Baby C, I was told he was a big baby. My doctor never did an ultrasound past 20 weeks, but she said she could tell by how full my belly was. I had an easy pregnancy and was fortunate to be in great health the entire time. My mom had 4 c-sections so I talked with my doctor multiple times about how I really wanted a vaginal birth. My mom is also a nurse of 27 years so I grew up trusting our medical system. When my doctor told me at 38 weeks that she wanted to induce to increase my chances of a vaginal birth, I felt I had no reason not to trust her judgement. She went on to tell me that even with the induction, she felt I still had a 70% chance of having a c-section. So, at 38.5 weeks, I showed up at 5am and started pitocin. Around 12pm I got an epidural and at 5pm I had only dilated to 5cm, was 70% effaced and the baby was still in the -1 position. My doctor then told me that we needed to start thinking about a c-section. I told her I wanted to wait another hour and see what happened. The nurses helped me get on to my hands and knees to labor in a different position. The hour passed and my doctor returned. I hadn't progressed at all. She said it was time to go to the OR. I remember wondering then why it was so urgent. I was fine and the baby was doing great. I asked her what could happen if I decided to keep laboring. She told me that the baby could get stuck in the birth canal and she would either have to break my pelvis or the baby's shoulder in order for him to be born. Obviously, I was scared out of my mind at what she said so I agreed. I asked everyone to leave the room and my husband and I made the decision together. I was very upset.

I'll never forget being wheeled back to the OR by myself. I remember looking up at the lights in the hallway and the chill of the OR as we entered. This was the most scared I had ever been in my life and I kept asking the nurse when Daddy B would come in. I was almost having a panic attack. Daddy B came in, they started the operation at 7pm and at 7:07pm, Baby C was born weighing 8lbs 9oz and was 21.5 inches long. They didn't hold him above the sheet and I was really disappointed. The first time I saw him was when Daddy B brought him over all bundled up. After 20 minutes, they took him to the nursery and I was left with another 45 minutes of them putting me back together. I then went to recovery and went through the most painful process of them trying to get my uterus to contract. By the time I got to my post-partum room, it was 11pm and I finally got to hold my baby.

I'm crying as I type this. I know I still have so much healing to do emotionally. Daddy B and I are going to try for #2 starting around Baby C's 2nd birthday. I am working hard to prepare myself both physically and mentally for a healthy birth and delivery. My hope with our next child is to not be induced, not have any pain medication and deliver a beautiful baby vaginally who will be placed immediately on my chest and we can start trying to nurse.

I know I can end up in another c-section. Baby C was a big boy for 38.5 weeks. But I feel if I don't do everything in my power to try and achieve a different outcome, I will never forgive myself. I think if I have done everything I can and I still end up in a c-section, I will be able to cope with the experience and know that this was simply God's plan for myself and my baby.