Old Wives Tales

While I was in DFW, Aunt K and I had fun trying everything we could think of (besides castor oil) to try to "induce labor."  We absolutely knew all of these things were old wives tales and the only thing that puts you in to labor is your baby and body being ready, but we figured I didn't have anything else to do so why not!

First, was the Tens Unit.  Aunt K is a physical therapist, so had a tens unit at her disposal.  We looked up the pressure points that are supposed to "send you in to labor" or "soften your cervix" and I would spend half an hour with them on those spots.  I have no idea what this pressure point is called, but it's the one about four fingers above the inside of your ankle.

My brother and Aunt K like to juice veggies and fruits.  While there, I had like FIVE whole pineapples,  with the entire core included!

Of course there was LOTS of ball bouncing the entire 3.5 weeks before my water broke.  Aunt K took this on St. Patty's Day (notice the green button) and wanted me to act like I was in "mid-bounce." hehe

Aunt K is an awesome cook and we decided to give fresh eggplant parmesan a shot.  Of course, we documented it just in case it really sent me in to labor (obviously, it did not).

Poor Aunt K burnt her fingers really bad on some hot olive oil :(

The final product was delicious!

When Daddy B showed up and surprised me the Thursday before the birth, he couldn't wait to give me my "push present."  So he told me he was rephrasing it my "push it out NOW present!" Aren't they beautiful?!

And finally a funny picture during a contraction a day or so before I went into true labor.  You could definitely see what side Baby B was hanging out on!

Next up, Baby C meeting his little brother!

Unexpected Doctor Visit

I'm 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant today and I went to see Dr. C this morning.  I declined a cervical check last week, but thought since I'm now a week past the point in the pregnancy I was induced with Baby C, I'd go ahead and get checked to see where I stood.  I was expecting a couple of centimeters or something, considering I've been taking my EPO, walking, using the ball, etc., and was disappointed when Dr. C told me I was maybe a fingertip dilated, cervix was still very high, but it was soft.  My belly measured 41 cm last week and today actually measured only 38 cm, which I'm told is because the baby has officially "dropped." 

Then Dr. C told me that he wanted to talk to me about the option of induction.  On Saturday.  The reason being is because he is going out of town on Wednesday (will probably return the following Monday) and wanted me to be able to have him as my doctor for delivery, seeing all that I've gone through to have him be my care provider.  I was alone in the room since my brother took me out to this appointment and was completely, absolutely overwhelmed.  I just started crying.  I took it so personally and even though Dr. C had the best intentions in offering the induction to me, I felt I had failed and my body was still broken.  I left with a 7:30am appointment for Saturday to start pitocin.  I went to the stair well, sat down, and called Doula M.  We talked for awhile and I realized more and more this was NOT what I wanted, not in the least!  Dr. C ensured me he thought I'd do fine being induced and have a vaginal delivery, but I realized while talking to Doula M that I'd have an IV, I'd need continuous fetal monitoring and I wouldn't even have access to a shower for pain relief!  Not to mention the long list of interventions that so often happen after that first drop of pitocin enters your body.  I was devastated.  Of course I'm tired of being pregnant, of course I like the idea that Daddy B could definitely be there, but could I live with myself and all that I've learned and have come to believe about child birth and how my body is made to do this if I let myself be induced?  I realized within minutes I could not.

After talking to Doula M, Daddy B, Aunt K, and my brother at length, I called and cancelled the induction appointment.  I had also called the midwife I had seen at my 35 week appointment and confirmed with her that if I went in to labor while Dr. C was out of town, I could come to the birth center (she said yes, of course!).  Dr. C called me back and told me he completely supported my decision and he'd see me at my next appointment if I haven't gone in to labor. 

I'm actually glad this happened.  I know Dr. C offered the induction with pure intentions, but it made me realize how much I want to go in to labor on my own and have a natural birth.  I also realized that as much of a hero Dr. C is to me, I cannot count on him to get me through this VBAC.  I have to count on myself and my body and what it was made by God to do. 

P.S.  I have a lot of pictures of the "natural" things Aunt K and I have been trying to try to get labor started.  Some of them are pretty hilarious!  I'll try to post those soon as well as my birth plan.

The Emotions

Let me preface this post with acknowledging that I know my hormones are going crazy right now.  I can cry easily and get irritated even easier!

I have less than two weeks before I have to say goodbye to Baby C.  I've been struggling with the reality of having to be away from him.  This past week he got some mild food poisoning from some applesauce he "hid" after dinner and decided to eat for a snack the following morning while I was in the shower (he came to show me, that's how I know).  That afternoon, my poor dude was throwing up every couple of hours and really counted on me to console him.  He would come up and say "My belly hurts," and just lay on me... until he threw up.  Yes, I took a couple extra showers that day!  haha

Here's a cute picture of recovering Baby C the day after the applesauce incident:

Anyway, I kept thinking that day about not being there while waiting for this next baby to choose their birthday.  I have the logical side of my brain telling me he will be fine, he won't even realize I'm gone for so long and that he will be in wonderful care with my MIL and Daddy B.  But I have my mommy-brain side that is really struggling.  I called to make my 38 week appointment with Dr. C, but as luck would have it he is out of the office on March 9th, the day I make the trek back to Texas.  No big deal, I made the appointment for March 13th instead since I'll be there, but I started thinking about how my friend and I could relax on the drive home and maybe I could wait to leave until after Baby C woke up.  After talking it through with Daddy B though, I realized that I would be a WRECK if I had to leave him face to face.  After coming to that realization, I just started sobbing!  Daddy B was at a loss and trying to console me, but it is really hard for me right now.  My SIL (Aunt D) called me right when I was upset and talked me through it.  She said her sister-in-law ESP told her to call just because.  She knew how I was feeling, seeing that she has my two nieces who are 7 and 4, and my youngest niece is special needs.  When she was born, Aunt D had to spend a lot of time with her in the NICU and be away from her older daughter.  I think it's, in a way, a similar emotion because I know this is what the baby and I need, but I hate feeling like I'm choosing this baby over my other one.  Yes, I know that's not completely rational, but I did preface this post with a warning about my crazy hormones.  ;)

So fast forward to Saturday and while Daddy B was home, I took the opportunity to go up to Walmart and start making a dent in my "to-buy" list for my hospital bag.  I picked up travel toiletries I could keep packed and an extra pair of comfy pants, you know... the essentials.  Then I was standing on the candy isle deciding what flavor gum I wanted to buy to have handy in the hospital when I had what I can only describe as a mini panic attack.  It's like the reality of having a second baby slapped me in the face all at once.  I felt dizzy, nauseous and was breathing a little faster than normal.  I walked around in a daze and came home with all these little things I had bought.  For some reason putting things in that basket gave me the illusion that I was making myself more prepared!  Daddy B laughed at me, but also understood what I was feeling.  I told him honestly, "I'm scared."  It's scary to go from having one child to two.  It's scary to think about all the unknowns that are inevitable with a newborn.  It's scary not to know how your new "normal" will look in your home.  You get so comfortable with being parents of one and we know that we will be fine as parents of two and will love this baby just as much as Baby C, but it's still scary!

Then I started feeling a little mad at this whole VBAC situation.  I've felt this way before, but in relation to all these emotions I've been feeling, it takes on a whole new meaning.  I get angry that I'm a second time mom and yet completely feel like a first time mom when it comes to this delivery.  At the same time, I'm so thankful for VBAC and it giving me the opportunity to feel that excitement that usually only first time moms feel about not knowing how everything will happen.  I know every birth is different, but I think the difference in being induced and going to a c-section will be completely different than letting my body go in to labor and having a natural birth.  And I get frustrated with the state of Louisiana and the birthing environment here not being conducive to me staying home and going in to labor like a "normal" expectant mother.  Instead I have to travel to another state to do something my body was made to do. But again, I'm also grateful that I have the option to travel back to Texas to have this baby and that I have so many friends and family supporting our decision to have this baby in a very non-traditional way.

To recap, I feel sad, scared, excited, unprepared, prepared, angry, grateful, etc. etc.

The brain of a pregnant woman can be so confusing!  Thanks for listening reading. ;)

My First Birth Story

This is a place to document my journey to a VBAC. I'm hoping that it ends the way I envision it, but there are no guarantees. When looking for support in my quest, I rarely came across a personal story that was brutally honest about the journey to their birth. Here's where it started...

Right after I gave birth to my son, I felt this need to act like I was happy. I didn't have post-partum depression and I wasn't experiencing what some moms sometimes struggle with in not feeling connected to their baby... nope. I was mourning the loss of a birth. Something so personal and an experience every mom has a right to go through THIER way. I typed up the following birth story wanting people to think that I was "just happy to have a healthy baby." That's what everyone says, right? Stay tuned for the real birth story. I think you'll notice the difference.

Originally written 9/1/2009 - 6 Days after Giving Birth

The morning of August 26, 2009 I was up at 2:11am. I could NOT sleep anymore because I was so anxious for my scheduled induction at 5am that morning. I made myself stay in bed until 3am and then went to take a shower. Daddy B (the hubby) , my mom and I left for the hospital at around 4:25am and arrived only 15 minutes later the hospital. I checked in and they had me set up, ready to go and on the pitocin by 5am. I came still dilated to 1cm and 40% effaced, as I had been for about 2 weeks. As the levels of the medicine increased, I started to feel more contractions, but nothing I felt I couldn’t handle. Next, my doctor came in to break my water. This was a lot more painful than I expected! Because I wasn’t dilated very far, my doctor had a harder time breaking the bag of waters and it took her a few tries. I had a lot of fluid! Daddy B’s face was so funny as he saw probably half a gallon of clear fluid come out. Little did he realize, this was only the beginning! Once my water was broken the contractions started to get more intense. I dilated to 3cm after they broke my water and was about a 3 on the pain scale of 1 to 10. I told the nurse I thought I could get to a pain level of 7 before I wanted my epidural. Shortly after, she turned me on to my right side. I quickly progressed to a pain level of 5 and then went straight up to 7! My contractions had a really good pattern and we all thought I definitely had made some progress. At this point I asked for the epidural. I had hurt enough! At about 10:30am, I was to the point where I couldn’t just breathe through the pain, but was having to make some audible sounds to mentally handle what I was experiencing.

The anesthesiologist came in and started to perform the procedure at about 11am. The epidural hurt a lot more than I was expecting. I think it was mainly the unknown that hurt because the anesthesiologist had to feel my lower back and find the space in my spine and he pressed hard on my sides and it made me jump. This didn’t make the anesthesiologist happy because every time I moved, I moved my spine and he had to start over. We agreed that I just need ample warning for him to continue without me moving. The numbing medicine wasn’t bad, but I didn’t like the pressure from the epidural needle. Once the medicine started working, I became more tolerable of the pressure and he finished quickly. The epidural was glorious! I really stopped feeling the pain of the contractions but instead could only feel the pressure of the uterus contracting. My contractions stayed in a really nice pattern, but after my next internal exam, I was still only 5cm dilated and about 70% effaced. They inserted an internal catheter monitor to see how strong my contractions were and the strength turned out to be right on track. Our nurses kept moving my position to try to get the baby to drop down in to the birth canal. After another 6.5 hours, my doctor examined me again. The look on her face wasn’t great. I was still at 5cm and 70% effaced and the baby was still in the -2 station. We had a room full of people and she told me that we needed to start thinking about a c-section. I got really overwhelmed and we asked everyone to leave. The situation was that the baby wasn’t making any progress, and although his heart rate was perfect and he was handling the increasing pitocin very well, my doctor didn’t think he was going to drop any lower and it could be due to the shape of my pelvis, which turns out to be curved and shallow. I was really upset. Daddy B asked the nurses to give us some time alone so we could make a decision. We decided to wait one more hour and have no one else in the room so we could focus on laboring by ourselves. The nurses put me on my elbows and knees to try and see if this would move the baby down. I started to feel a lot more of the contractions in that position but stayed like that for about half an hour. My doctor came in shortly after and examined me. I don’t think I will ever forget the look on her face. She was disappointed as well because I had made absolutely no progress. Daddy B had really calmed me down when we were able to be by ourselves and we told her we were ready for the c-section. It was time for our son to be born!

My mom and dad came in the room to wish me luck, followed by some friends. I was nervous. Daddy B got dressed in his OR outfit and looked really cute and it helped to keep my spirits light. They put cuffs on my lower legs to keep my circulation up and then the anesthesiologist came in to increase the medicine in my epidural. He tested this by poking me with a needle and I had to indicate when I felt it was sharp. The more medicine he put in, the higher up I went numb in my chest. I really couldn’t believe how much I thought I could feel when they said I was ready to go for the surgery. At this point, they wheeled me over to the OR. I kept thinking how surreal it was and I was very nervous. I fought back tears the whole trip across the Labor & Delivery unit and once they took me in to the actual operating room, I sort of lost it. I started crying and just kept asking when Daddy B was going to be able to come in. Once they finished prepping me and they put up the blue sheet, Daddy B finally came in. They started the procedure at exactly 7:00pm. There was a lot of pressure and then even MORE pressure. I was scared. Daddy B was wonderful and kept telling me to look at him and concentrate on him. When Daddy B first sat down he said, “I’m not going to look, is that okay?” I said “Yes.” Well as soon as they said they were about to deliver him, Daddy B stood straight up and watched our son come in to this world. At 7:07pm, Baby C was born! He cried right away and that’s when my tears started to flow as well. They had to use a vacuum on the baby’s head because he was stuck down in my pelvis. Daddy B soon left me to go over and cut the cord and help clean him up. We had great nurses that let him feel really hands on even though it was a c-section. It wasn’t long until Daddy B came over with Baby C and sat with me with him for about 20 minutes. He was so beautiful! I gave him his first kiss and then they had to go to the nursery. I was left alone, and although I was very happy about the birth of my son and listening to the nurses and doctors discussing the pot for the weight everyone was in on (Aunt K won!), I did not like that after he was born it took a total of 45 minutes for me to be finished with the surgery. They wheeled me to recovery and I didn’t get to see Baby C until about 11:00pm. The rest is history and all the pain I experienced after the delivery doesn’t matter. I have a perfect baby boy that I can call my own!