Made it to Texas!

I won't say this leg of the journey has been easy.  The past couple of weeks have been some of the hardest emotionally that I've gone through, which I'm sure has a little something to do with the crazy amounts of hormones running through me.  I've prayed so much about the decision to come back to Texas to have this baby and thankfully, the Lord has given me peace every time I've lifted my concerns up in prayer.  It's just the rest of the time when I'm spending too many moments thinking about the "what ifs?" that get me antsy.  I've had many evenings with Daddy B talking and crying about my fears and concerns with leaving Baby C and him for what could turn in to a month and how much control I'm having to surrender when it comes to this birth.  I've had some people not understand why I didn't just bring Baby C with me to Texas, but I don't really feel like I need to explain myself.  We've worked through all the possible scenarios and this is what works best for my family.  Don't you think it's the hardest thing I've ever, ever had to do to leave my baby?  Don't you think that leaving my husband, who is my biggest support person, at this point in my pregnancy is also one of the hardest things I've had to do?  What has kept me going is the peace the Lord is giving me over our decision as a family for a true chance at a VBAC, the encouragement from Daddy B and the friends and family who "get it" and understand each step of our decision making process, and trying to remember that this time will pass quickly and I will look back on this short time period with gratefulness for the undivided attention I'm able to give my new little one.  As hard as it is for me to wrap my head around it, my heart knows that I am going to love this new baby just as much as I love Baby C and I can't WAIT to experience that once they arrive!

In the past week, Daddy B and I got everything done on my to-do list with the exception of installing the car seat, but Daddy B is going to do that this weekend.  My good friend came in to town last Wednesday, MIL came in town Thursday and then Friday morning my friend and I hit the long road back to DFW.  Thursday night was reallllly rough.  I had to say goodbye to Baby C and was a complete mess after I put him down for bed.  What really made me feel better though was having my friend, my MIL and her husband all there showering me with love and support.  It humbles me so much to realize how many people care about my little family and this sweet baby coming in to the world.  Since then, I've held it together pretty well, with the exception of yesterday afternoon when I just really missed my family and what we would be doing on a Saturday at home.  I'll tell you what, I am SO thankful I'm with my brother, SIL and niece and nephew because it makes being away from my husband and son a lot easier.  My nephew (he'll be 6 in June) knows that when I'm missing Baby C, he is required to come give me lots of good cuddles! :)

I've also noticed an increase the past few days in the frequency and intensity of the Braxton Hicks I've been having.  The other night, I was actually able to notice a pattern and they were about 5 minutes apart for a solid hour.  So I'm pretty sure my body is on the road towards preparing for labor, I just hope it's sooner rather than later! 

I go see Dr. C on Tuesday.  My mom is a teacher and is coming to spend her spring break with me, so she's taking me to the appointment Tuesday.  Let's just say she's REALLY hoping this baby decides their birthday is next week.  I told her not to hold her breath.  ;)

29 Week Appointment in Texas

After we made the decision to stay with Dr. C and talked with his office to arrange the beginning of the details for my prenatal care, I started to need to think about all of the logistics of having the baby back in Texas.  The first thing that crossed my mind was that I needed to find my doula.  I already had a couple of fabulous women in mind that I had met in ICAN, but one in particular was at the forefront.  Doula M (as she will be referred to on this blog) has been a support to me since I joined ICAN.  She was one of the first people to write me in response to what type of questions to ask a potential care provider and when I had major questions about the Nurse-Midwife group I visited back in April, I called her and she helped talk me through the pros and cons of the practice.  Of course you know after I heard Dr. C speak, we made the decision to go with him!

I've definitely learned a lot through this journey so far, not only about birth, but what is important to me as a birthing mother.  When I thought about what I feel I need on delivery day, I knew that I wanted that continued support I've always felt from Doula M.  I also knew that she wasn't taking as many clients as she is a super busy mom to four and I was only giving her a couple months notice.  But as God's plan would have it, I e-mailed her and explained our crazy situation and for some crazy reason, she wanted to jump on this roller coaster!  haha!  I really felt peace after her and I talked because I truly felt like God was in control of my situation.  Isn't funny how you try to live by that mantra and are continuously surprised by God's grace in your life?!

My 29 week appointment was set for this past Friday at 3:35pm.  I hit the road around 7:45am and had to stop every hour or hour and a half because of my leg (more on that in a minute).  I arrived to at Amiga C's house around 1:15pm and got to visit her, her 18 month old and her sweet little 6 week old boy.  I could only stay for an hour and it was super hard to leave!  I got to Dr. C's office at 3:30pm or so and then Doula M joined me shortly after. I was so glad she was able to come to the appointment!  She has done plenty of deliveries with Dr. C and it was good for her to see first hand the details being made between myself and Dr. C and get a full scope on what was going on with this particular pregnancy.

Health wise, everything looks great.  My blood pressure was 119/60, I put on a few pounds over Christmas, the baby sounded great at 148 bpm and is head down now.  The only thing I've been concerned about is the large varicose vein that has developed on my left leg.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it on here before, but it starts in my groin area and wraps around behind my knee to continue on my calf.  I did not have it before becoming pregnancy and it showed up about 8 weeks in to the pregnancy.  It has only gotten worse and now aches quite a bit of the time.  I told the nurse about it when she asked me if I had any concerns before seeing Dr. C and she had me undress from the waist down so he could take a look.  What was funny is that Dr. C walked in and said to me, "I have to tell you, you look great!  But why are you not wearing any pants?"  haha!!  He did a really thorough exam on it and wasn't too pleased with how nasty it looked.  What scares him is what he can't see that could be deeper in my leg.  I had worn those support hose he prescribed, but they would bunch up behind my knee and hurt the vein, since that is the worst part.  When he looked at the hose he told me they were useless and even though I was fitted for them at a medical supply store, they were too big and to stop wearing them.  Unfortunately, now I'm forbidden to lay on my left side and he told me that any time I don't "need" to be standing, I need to be sitting or lying down with my leg elevated.  If you know me, you know I'm a busy body and a clean freak.  This is going to be a big lesson in humility because I have to ask Daddy B for a lot more help around the house than I'm comfortable with. :(  I'm also going to start taking the herbal supplement Vari Gone, which should help with the aching and appearance of the vein.  I pretty much have no choice but to listen to my doctor on this one, as the biggest risk is developing a blood clot in my leg, which would put me on bed rest and also runs the risk of the clot traveling to dangerous places.  No fun!  It's really frustrating to me because I feel really great this pregnancy with the exception of my leg.

Dr. C spent an hour with us at the appointment and I realized that his entire staff now knows me as "the one from Louisiana."  That's not how I saw this pregnancy progressing, but I'm thankful they all care!  Dr. C truly is amazing and we talked about all the "what ifs" of me going in to labor.  He told me or Doula M to call him directly if anything concerning happens or if I go in to labor before 38 weeks.  The plan right now is to see him again at 33 weeks, 35 weeks and then I'll be there full time at 38 weeks.  He was so encouraging about my decision to stay with him as a doctor and told me simply that I'm committed to my VBAC, which was encouraging to hear. He also said that he expected me to come back.  He had hoped that I would find a supportive care provider in Louisiana, but truly didn't think I would.  He also told me that Louisiana isn't even the worst state in the south not supporting VBAC and places like Mississippi and Alabama pretty much outlaw it completely.  That makes me so sad for the moms there!

After the appointment, Doula M and I talked for another hour about what I want for the birth, what happened with Baby C's birth and what she suggests in preparing for everything.  I'm really thankful to have her as such an integral part of our birth team!

I got home yesterday around 3:30pm and had a really nice evening with some of our new friends from the Birth Rite Louisiana group.  We invited them over for dinner since they just had baby #3 on December 23rd and I hadn't gotten around to making her a dinner to take over because of the craziness of Christmas.  Its so nice to have a friend in the neighborhood!  We can literally see each other's front doors!

Finally, here's the monthly belly comparison.  Sorry the new picture isn't positioned as well as the 24 week.  In our bathroom in the new house and I can't stand as far back from the mirror!

Next up, I'll fill you in on some of the details of this crazy birth plan!

It's Official!

Heard back from Dr. C's office this morning and it's official!  We are making to leap and staying with Dr. C in Texas.  My next appointment is January 6th at 29 weeks.  I'll see him for less appointments than a "normal" patient to accommodate the distance I'll be driving.  Right now the plan is to see him at 29, 33, 35, and 38 weeks.  After 38 weeks, I'll be there full time living with my brother and his family and will be able to see him weekly until I go in to labor.

I am SOOO thankful for a supportive physician like Dr. C.  I know GOD IS BIG ENOUGH and has this entire situation cradled in His hands.

Tribulations

I've been talking to ICAN Baton Rouge and Birth Rite Louisiana, which is a natural birthing group in the area we are moving to that I was referred to by the ICAN ladies.  I've called all references I've received and every single one has said "No" to VBAC.  There are not many birthing centers in the state and the one I was referred to said they love to do VBAC's, but there is a law in LA that a VBAC patient has to live within 50 miles of their midwife or OB in order to be accepted as a patient.  No VBAC supportive doctor in the state lives close enough and we don't know anyone we could stay with around my due date to make that work.  Then the ladies told me that they thought that law only applied to midwives, so I called a doctor I've heard good things about in Baton Rouge.  Left a message for his nurse, but haven't heard back.

I was really discouraged last night.  I think I cried from about 2pm-10pm.  I hadn't eaten, my head hurt and I was so sick of all of this.  It shouldn't be this hard!  Daddy B has been so encouraging.  He always says things like "What WE want,"  "OUR birth,"  etc.  It makes me feel so comforted to know he wants this as bad as I do and he is committed.  I prayed and prayed last night asking God to give me peace if He wants me to have another c-section.  It sure would make everything easier.  But He didn't grant me that peace and instead I feel more determined.  I tried to visualize walking in to a hospital for a c-section without having a trial of labor and the thought literally made me sick.  I just feel convicted that God wants me to TRY.

After talking to Daddy B about all of this, he recommended I call his mom.  His mom is retired and lives in Arkansas, but her husband (Daddy B's stepdad) is actually from the area in LA we are moving to.  So I called her and asked her if she would be willing to come down for longer than planned around my due date so that I could go stay close to the birth center that supports VBAC to enable me to have the baby there.  She didn't hesitate.  I've shared with her some about why this birth experience means so much to me, so it didn't come out of left field when her only daughter-in-law called her bawling her eyes out about everything.  I'm just so thankful to her and her support.  I don't know if she'll ever fully understand how much it means to me.

This afternoon I called the birth center back and they said they'd be happy to take me as a patient, as long as I can guarantee I will be in the area from 38 weeks on and that their backup OB approves my post-op report from my c-section for a VBAC.  Shouldn't be a problem, as I am almost a perfect candidate.

I still have the back up plan to come back to Texas, but there are a lot of things about that plan that scare me.  I would prefer to birth in Louisiana, but if that means I have to get cut, I'll gladly make my way back to DFW to have this baby.

One thing is for sure, after all this is over, I plan to do what I can to help educate people about a woman's rights when it comes to birth.  It is utterly ridiculous that this is so hard.

8 Week Appointment

Well, we survived our first appointment with Dr. C!   I was pretty nervous, I'm not going to lie.  I think every mom is probably nervous the first appointment.  I mean, all you have up to this point to show you are pregnant are a few positive tests and lots of nausea.  I was prepared for a long wait, but it really wasn't bad.  The drive isn't too fun, but I don't think there's anything we can do about that.  We knew by choosing Dr. C that the drive would be an hour.  It's not bad when I have Daddy B with me. :)

So Dr. C came in and pretty much just talked to me.  He was wearing the bracelet!  That was awesome!  It took him a minute to remember that we were the ones who gave him the bracelet and then when he realized, he said "I bet you thought I wouldn't be wearing it, didn't you!" We admitted he was right but he told us he hadn't taken it off, like he promised.  When I told him about my mom's accident and that I wanted an ultrasound to ease my stress, he understood.  He doesn't like to do more than the one ultrasound at 20 weeks unless there is a reason, but he said he knew where I was coming from and decided to write an order for it.  Then he said, "Erin, why are we wearing these bracelets?  To trust God!  We have to trust God with your baby, no matter what is going on."  I LOVE that I have a doctor who believes in the same God I do.  It makes this whole process mean so much more!

Daddy B and I both really loved their sonogram room.  At my last doctor, we just looked on the little ultrasound screen to see the baby but at this office, it is a separate room and the ultrasound is up on a large flatscreen TV on the wall.

Without further ado, meet our little baby bean:

I measured 8 weeks 2 days and the heart rate was 167.  The little head is at the top and the little tail that is quickly disappearing is at the bottom, if that gives you better perspective.

Next appointment is September 9th at 12 weeks!

Hard first couple of months

I've had a hard first 8 weeks of this pregnancy.  Sure, I've had the usual symptoms, but the biggest thing is that two and a half weeks ago, my mom was in a near fatal car accident.  I spent 2 weeks at her bedside in San Antonio but am happy to report she is doing relatively well and is expected to make a full recovery in about 6 months.  She is finally headed home today after 16 days in the hospital and I came home on Sunday to try to let myself get some rest.  I'm heading back down on the 15th.

Seems my bracelet applies to more than just baby-makin' and birthing, huh?

I had a really hard time taking care of myself while spending so much time at the hospital.  I definitely need a week's rest before going back to help shuttle my mom to all of her appointments while also taking care of her at home with Baby C close behind.

Daddy B and I are excited about our first appointment on Friday, which is one of the reasons I decided to come home.  I might see about getting some Zofran.  The nausea this time is just horrible.  I'm hoping I can have an ultrasound to see the little bean.  I'm not a huge fan of multiple ultrasounds if they aren't necessary, but was happy when I had an initial one with Baby C at 10 weeks (to see there was actually something in there!) and then the anatomy one at 20.  I hope to do the same this time, although we aren't finding out what we are having!

We already had a girl name picked out from when we were pregnant with Baby C and want to use it this time around and I think we finally agreed on a first name for a boy.  Still working on the middle name but I'm really excited about our first name choice!  It's perfect!

After the appointment Friday, I'm going to start looking in to doulas.  I'm really looking forward to interviewing with some women and finding the right fit!

Overall, the pregnancy seems to be off to a good start.  I wasn't planning on sharing the news with nearly as many people who now know, but while my mom was on her high levels of morphine after her vent was removed on the third day, she told EVERYONE.  haha!  I don't think I'll ever let her live that down!

I'm looking forward to updating this weekend.  Hopefully I get around to it on Saturday because Sunday is my birthday and I plan on doing as little as possible.  :)

GOD IS BIG ENOUGH

I haven't written recently because there isn't much to write!  We've been enjoying this time with Baby C and getting ready to get pregnant, both mentally and physically.  I have been trying out the Brewer Pregnancy Diet the past few weeks to see if it was something I wanted to do while I was pregnant, and it really made me think about the nutrition balance I was getting every day and how what I ate affected my body.  It is a diet that is supposed to help pregnant moms avoid hypertension, although I didn't have any problems with that while carrying Baby C, I thought it has to be a good way for a mama-to-be to eat!  Read  info at the link above if you're interested.  I'd recommend it and it's pretty easy to follow on a day-to-day basis.

The other thing I've been spending time doing is BBT charting and analyzing my info.  Here's this month so far:

Before I was pregnant with Clint, my cycle was 32 days long, so I'm expected Aunt Flo around Saturday!

The next graph is really interesting to me.  After my period ended, I was confused when my temperature spiked between CD7 and CD10 (CD = Cycle Day).  Then I decided to look at both cycles together, anchored on ovulation.

Look at how similar my temperatures are both months!  I think that is pretty darn cool!  After further research, I learned that it is my estrogen spiking while the dominant follicle develops.  It's so neat how the human body works! :)

Okay, okay.... so by now you're probably wondering, "Yadda, yadda, when are you going to actually get pregnant already?!"  Well folks, I'm excited to tell you that after this next period, we will be actively TRYING!  WOO HOO!  I've been waiting for this for quite some time!

So on to the title of the post.  Today was our VBAC consult with Dr. C.  I piled Baby C in to the car over an hour before our 10:45 am appointment and started making, what I hope to be, the familiar trek out to Dr. C's office.  Daddy B met us out there from work.  We got there just in time but waited almost an hour to get called back.  The wait didn't bother us too much since we knew who we were waiting for!  

After going back to an exam room, Dr. C came in and we just spent half an hour all getting to know each other.  He remembered my "curved and shallow pelvis" from the ICAN meeting (lol!), we discussed how I ended up in a c/s with Baby C, what we want this time, etc.  We even looked at my charts together and Dr. C said I look normal and healthy!

The coolest thing that happened was at the end.  We know from hearing Dr. C speak that he believes in God.  Daddy B and I recently picked up these bracelets at our church:

It reads, "GOD IS BIG ENOUGH."  Daddy B and I have really been reflecting a lot on this saying.  We have talked about how much we have to trust the God has His hand on our situation, from getting pregnant, through the pregnancy and through the birth.  It is amazing to think that God already has our sweet baby picked out for us and knows how they will be born.  Daddy B and I decided to wear these bracelets from now through the birth of our next child to act as a constant reminder to keep our lives in perspective.  

So at the end of the appointment I told Dr. C about why we were wearing these bracelets and what they mean to us.  Dr. C couldn't have agreed more and I happened to have a spare bracelet in my bag ("happened to" ha.  You think that was a coincidence? ).  I told Dr. C I wanted him to have it.  He looked at us and said, "As you can see, I don't wear any jewelry.  But I am going to wear this bracelet through the birth of your baby as well.  I won't take it off."  ::tears::

Dr. C told us to get busy making a baby and he hoped he would see us very soon!