3 Months Old

No, I haven't forgotten about this little ol' blog, if you're still reading.  Life is just busy with two kids and I've made a promise to myself to spend less time in the internet world and more time enjoying the present.  I read this blog post about "How to Miss a Childhood" and it has really impacted me.  I don't want to get so caught up in technology that I miss out on what life really is.  Everyone is asleep in my house, so I have some free time now.

So things never aligned for me to make it back to Texas for my postpartum visit.  I've been feeling fine and I talked with Dr. C's nurse, so I wasn't too concerned.  I started to have a little postpartum depression and I needed to decide what I was going to do for birth control, so I made an appointment with a local OBGYN that I've heard great things about when it comes to him supporting natural childbirth.  I had heard in the past that he had done some VBACs, but was told he "didn't like to get involved" when I called to ask for a consult.  The appointment went well and some great news is that if we decide we want to have one more child, he is totally supportive of me having a 2VBAC with him.  He says now I have a "proven pelvis" and he has no problem with me going to 42 weeks before talking induction.  I liked him overall.  He's no Dr. C, but I learned from my delivery of Baby B that the doctor doesn't matter as much as my mind set going in to delivery.  I'm not saying baby #3 is going to happen, but Daddy B and I want to keep our options open.  If it is going to happen, it won't be for quite a while, so don't get your hopes up!  

Baby B is 3 months old now!  He is the sweetest baby boy.  I could melt at the smiles he gives me when I go to get him up from naps or bed in the morning.  He's sleeping well, still swaddled, and does about 2, 6 hour sleep chunks a night.  We are on a great schedule that is flexible and he's taking 3 naps a day.  At 10 weeks he was 13lbs 12oz and 25" long.  He is rolling from belly to back and can hold his head up like a champ!  We love doing the kangaroo carry in my ring sling.

I'm still pumping!!  I'm proud of myself!  :)  I don't make much milk and this week it has dropped lower, but this next week is "Operation Increase Milk Supply."  I've deemed it so in my head haha.  Lots of steel cut oats, fenugreek and water.  I'm not ready to give up.  I have a goal to make it 6 months and take it from there.  It's very time consuming because I pump in 30 minute sessions, but I know I'll feel that dang mommy-guilt if I just quit.  

I'm still working on my big announcement.  The last step was completed today and I'm excited to share it with you!

I have lots of ideas of posts I want to do in regards to VBAC, c-sections, and inductions in our country, but I know work will need to go in to them.  I'm not sure how many people keep up with this blog, so with 13 followers, I don't know if I want to take the time away from my family to organize the posts and do the research to back up my statements. 

Here's some more pictures of my beautiful boys!

Loving the bumbo

Big smiles from my little dude

Brother play time :)

Baby C enjoying being part of the 3 year old class at VBS

29 Week Appointment in Texas

After we made the decision to stay with Dr. C and talked with his office to arrange the beginning of the details for my prenatal care, I started to need to think about all of the logistics of having the baby back in Texas.  The first thing that crossed my mind was that I needed to find my doula.  I already had a couple of fabulous women in mind that I had met in ICAN, but one in particular was at the forefront.  Doula M (as she will be referred to on this blog) has been a support to me since I joined ICAN.  She was one of the first people to write me in response to what type of questions to ask a potential care provider and when I had major questions about the Nurse-Midwife group I visited back in April, I called her and she helped talk me through the pros and cons of the practice.  Of course you know after I heard Dr. C speak, we made the decision to go with him!

I've definitely learned a lot through this journey so far, not only about birth, but what is important to me as a birthing mother.  When I thought about what I feel I need on delivery day, I knew that I wanted that continued support I've always felt from Doula M.  I also knew that she wasn't taking as many clients as she is a super busy mom to four and I was only giving her a couple months notice.  But as God's plan would have it, I e-mailed her and explained our crazy situation and for some crazy reason, she wanted to jump on this roller coaster!  haha!  I really felt peace after her and I talked because I truly felt like God was in control of my situation.  Isn't funny how you try to live by that mantra and are continuously surprised by God's grace in your life?!

My 29 week appointment was set for this past Friday at 3:35pm.  I hit the road around 7:45am and had to stop every hour or hour and a half because of my leg (more on that in a minute).  I arrived to at Amiga C's house around 1:15pm and got to visit her, her 18 month old and her sweet little 6 week old boy.  I could only stay for an hour and it was super hard to leave!  I got to Dr. C's office at 3:30pm or so and then Doula M joined me shortly after. I was so glad she was able to come to the appointment!  She has done plenty of deliveries with Dr. C and it was good for her to see first hand the details being made between myself and Dr. C and get a full scope on what was going on with this particular pregnancy.

Health wise, everything looks great.  My blood pressure was 119/60, I put on a few pounds over Christmas, the baby sounded great at 148 bpm and is head down now.  The only thing I've been concerned about is the large varicose vein that has developed on my left leg.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it on here before, but it starts in my groin area and wraps around behind my knee to continue on my calf.  I did not have it before becoming pregnancy and it showed up about 8 weeks in to the pregnancy.  It has only gotten worse and now aches quite a bit of the time.  I told the nurse about it when she asked me if I had any concerns before seeing Dr. C and she had me undress from the waist down so he could take a look.  What was funny is that Dr. C walked in and said to me, "I have to tell you, you look great!  But why are you not wearing any pants?"  haha!!  He did a really thorough exam on it and wasn't too pleased with how nasty it looked.  What scares him is what he can't see that could be deeper in my leg.  I had worn those support hose he prescribed, but they would bunch up behind my knee and hurt the vein, since that is the worst part.  When he looked at the hose he told me they were useless and even though I was fitted for them at a medical supply store, they were too big and to stop wearing them.  Unfortunately, now I'm forbidden to lay on my left side and he told me that any time I don't "need" to be standing, I need to be sitting or lying down with my leg elevated.  If you know me, you know I'm a busy body and a clean freak.  This is going to be a big lesson in humility because I have to ask Daddy B for a lot more help around the house than I'm comfortable with. :(  I'm also going to start taking the herbal supplement Vari Gone, which should help with the aching and appearance of the vein.  I pretty much have no choice but to listen to my doctor on this one, as the biggest risk is developing a blood clot in my leg, which would put me on bed rest and also runs the risk of the clot traveling to dangerous places.  No fun!  It's really frustrating to me because I feel really great this pregnancy with the exception of my leg.

Dr. C spent an hour with us at the appointment and I realized that his entire staff now knows me as "the one from Louisiana."  That's not how I saw this pregnancy progressing, but I'm thankful they all care!  Dr. C truly is amazing and we talked about all the "what ifs" of me going in to labor.  He told me or Doula M to call him directly if anything concerning happens or if I go in to labor before 38 weeks.  The plan right now is to see him again at 33 weeks, 35 weeks and then I'll be there full time at 38 weeks.  He was so encouraging about my decision to stay with him as a doctor and told me simply that I'm committed to my VBAC, which was encouraging to hear. He also said that he expected me to come back.  He had hoped that I would find a supportive care provider in Louisiana, but truly didn't think I would.  He also told me that Louisiana isn't even the worst state in the south not supporting VBAC and places like Mississippi and Alabama pretty much outlaw it completely.  That makes me so sad for the moms there!

After the appointment, Doula M and I talked for another hour about what I want for the birth, what happened with Baby C's birth and what she suggests in preparing for everything.  I'm really thankful to have her as such an integral part of our birth team!

I got home yesterday around 3:30pm and had a really nice evening with some of our new friends from the Birth Rite Louisiana group.  We invited them over for dinner since they just had baby #3 on December 23rd and I hadn't gotten around to making her a dinner to take over because of the craziness of Christmas.  Its so nice to have a friend in the neighborhood!  We can literally see each other's front doors!

Finally, here's the monthly belly comparison.  Sorry the new picture isn't positioned as well as the 24 week.  In our bathroom in the new house and I can't stand as far back from the mirror!

Next up, I'll fill you in on some of the details of this crazy birth plan!

The Move

I have so much to write about, I don't know where to begin.

We are moved to Louisiana.  I took a break from worrying about the VBAC to concentrate on the move.  It has been a hard process being over 6 months pregnant.  My belly has really grown and the baby moves A LOT.  I am a busy body by nature and it has been very hard on me to rest enough.  If I work on my feet too much, I get pretty good spells of Braxton Hicks contractions and that horrible varicose vein aches and aches.  Oh and I hate those hose I got through my prescription from Dr. C.  I've only worn them a couple days and although it does make the vein stop aching, they are a major pain to always be readjusting and pulling up.  Guess I'll pay for not wearing those hose after the pregnancy when my leg looks horrible and I can't wear shorts.  :(

Yesterday, the stress of everything hit me hard after I received yet another message from someone telling me to reconsider the birth center we had been looking at.  I'm still waiting to hear if they'll even take me as a patient, but I was just so sick of not knowing what we were going to do.  I called Daddy B crying and my sweet husband was home within 20 minutes.  We talked about what we feel our options are:

1. Assume we could go to the birth center an hour and a half south and plan to have me live in a hotel starting at 38 weeks, due to their policy of me needing to be within 50 miles of the midwife.

2. I talked with a midwife at a birth center just inside the Texas border who said she would take me as a patient, but she didn't have direct OB back up in case of an emergency.  It is three hours away from us, but she wouldn't require me to be close by near my due date.

3. Call back a doctor in our area who said "he doesn't like to get involved in VBAC's," but I know he has done them and try to get a consult without mentioning I want a VBAC and then talk to him in person and hope he will give me a trial of labor.

4. Go live with my brother and sister-in-law in Texas starting at 38 weeks and stick with Dr. C.  My mother-in-law would come be with Baby C while I was in Texas so I could concentrate on trying to get labor started and not have to worry about caring for Baby C if I went in to labor during a work day when my brother and SIL weren't there.

I asked Daddy B what he felt our number one option was.  He told me that he had felt this entire time I should stay with Dr. C, but had wanted me to make the decision.  I told him I was worried he wouldn't get there in time and he said he would move the earth if he had to in order to make it so I should just take that off my mind.  After much consideration, I realized Dr. C is the only option I feel totally at peace with.  Later in the evening, a doula I've been talking to who would have been our doula had we gone with the birth center south of us, ended up calling me to talk about the latest message I had received.  We talked for 2.5 hours!  She agreed that she felt I should go back to Texas because what is most important is for me to feel comfortable and empowered and the best way to do that is to surround myself with my support people, which are not located here in Louisiana.

So I'm calling Monday to work out the details with Dr. C.  I sure hope it all goes smoothly and we can decide on a prenatal visit plan we both feel comfortable with until I'm there at 38 weeks.

I felt better today after coming to a decision.

Here's a look at the sweet baby belly growing bigger day by day!

My nesting instinct is realllly starting to kick in and we are waiting until after January 1st to start baby preparations.  When we went Christmas shopping for Baby C at Toys R Us, I talked Daddy B into letting me buy the new baby a couple of outfits.  It sure is different not knowing what gender this baby is and having to search through the racks to find something that could work for a boy or a girl!

Tribulations

I've been talking to ICAN Baton Rouge and Birth Rite Louisiana, which is a natural birthing group in the area we are moving to that I was referred to by the ICAN ladies.  I've called all references I've received and every single one has said "No" to VBAC.  There are not many birthing centers in the state and the one I was referred to said they love to do VBAC's, but there is a law in LA that a VBAC patient has to live within 50 miles of their midwife or OB in order to be accepted as a patient.  No VBAC supportive doctor in the state lives close enough and we don't know anyone we could stay with around my due date to make that work.  Then the ladies told me that they thought that law only applied to midwives, so I called a doctor I've heard good things about in Baton Rouge.  Left a message for his nurse, but haven't heard back.

I was really discouraged last night.  I think I cried from about 2pm-10pm.  I hadn't eaten, my head hurt and I was so sick of all of this.  It shouldn't be this hard!  Daddy B has been so encouraging.  He always says things like "What WE want,"  "OUR birth,"  etc.  It makes me feel so comforted to know he wants this as bad as I do and he is committed.  I prayed and prayed last night asking God to give me peace if He wants me to have another c-section.  It sure would make everything easier.  But He didn't grant me that peace and instead I feel more determined.  I tried to visualize walking in to a hospital for a c-section without having a trial of labor and the thought literally made me sick.  I just feel convicted that God wants me to TRY.

After talking to Daddy B about all of this, he recommended I call his mom.  His mom is retired and lives in Arkansas, but her husband (Daddy B's stepdad) is actually from the area in LA we are moving to.  So I called her and asked her if she would be willing to come down for longer than planned around my due date so that I could go stay close to the birth center that supports VBAC to enable me to have the baby there.  She didn't hesitate.  I've shared with her some about why this birth experience means so much to me, so it didn't come out of left field when her only daughter-in-law called her bawling her eyes out about everything.  I'm just so thankful to her and her support.  I don't know if she'll ever fully understand how much it means to me.

This afternoon I called the birth center back and they said they'd be happy to take me as a patient, as long as I can guarantee I will be in the area from 38 weeks on and that their backup OB approves my post-op report from my c-section for a VBAC.  Shouldn't be a problem, as I am almost a perfect candidate.

I still have the back up plan to come back to Texas, but there are a lot of things about that plan that scare me.  I would prefer to birth in Louisiana, but if that means I have to get cut, I'll gladly make my way back to DFW to have this baby.

One thing is for sure, after all this is over, I plan to do what I can to help educate people about a woman's rights when it comes to birth.  It is utterly ridiculous that this is so hard.

Birth Options in LA

So remember that lead on an OB that I had in small area of Louisiana we are moving to?

Yeah, that wasn't a good phone call.  After talking with Dr. C, I thought I'd go ahead and schedule my 24 week appointment with a new doctor in Louisiana.  I called the one recommendation I got.

The receptionist answered and I told her I had heard that the doctors in their practice were VBAC supportive.  I should have known when she didn't act familiar with the term "VBAC" that things might not turn out well.  She told me that she would go ask.

A nurse returned on the phone after a few minutes and said "I talked to the doctors and they don't know why you heard they supported that kind of birth.  Our newest doctor out of medical school would be happy to sit down with you and explain why they don't do it since she is up to date on all the current information."

I told her I wasn't interested.

She said, "But we'd be happy to take you as a patient."

"For another c-section, right?" I responded.

"Yes," she answered.

"No thanks.  And tell that new doctor of yours if she had actually done her research and looked at facts she would know that it's safer for a mom to have a vaginal birth after a c-section than another major abdominal surgery."

And hung up.

I was so upset.  I guess I felt like maybe I had an option close to home there and since it was my only lead and there aren't even any birthing centers in the area, I felt it was the ONLY option.

We know we have Dr. C as back up, but I just am not sure with all the unknowns of having this natural birth I want after my experience with my son, that I'm comfortable with the possibility of me relying on Dr. C and then going in to labor before I had a chance to get back to Texas.  I'm also scared that Daddy B would not make it in time with the 5 hour drive.  I just have no idea what to expect since I've pretty much never been in labor before and definitely haven't gone in to it on my own.

So I contacted the wonderful ladies of ICAN in Baton Rouge (the only chapter in the state) and they are helping me expand my search.  We are about 1.5 hours from the nearest big city and Baton Rouge is 2 hours.  There are other options if we commit to a drive again and I have a good family friend in Baton Rouge that I could count on if I needed anything in that area.

We'll see what happens.  I felt really lost after that phone call.  I mean this whole process is scary and frustrating and I see now why some moms just go for another c-section, even though that is not an option AT ALL with me.  I have to try to have this baby naturally.  Daddy B told me he's proud of my determination and is behind me all the way.  I am so thankful to have a husband who supports me not only through his words of encouragement but in my knowledge that he is behind this vision for the birth of our next baby 100%.  I'm so appreciative he has listened and researched on his own to learn about VBAC.  I know I cannot do this without him by my side!

P.S.  Daddy B started in his new territory today.  It's a big day for him so keep him in your thoughts as he tackles a section of the railroad that is in pretty bad shape and almost four times the size of his territory in Texas!