I got my VBAC!!!

I have daydreamed about making a post titled this. I can't believe it!  I DID IT!  I got my VBAC!!  Here's the very long story of the birth of our second son, Baby B!


Let me start out by saying the facts in this may be messed up, as I can't clearly remember a lot of the later part of my labor.  I will be getting some notes from Doula M and if I messed anything up, I'll let you know.  Aunt K also took lots of pictures during the labor and delivery, but I don't have copies of them yet.  She's coming to visit in a couple of weeks, so I'll make sure and do a post with them!

Sunday, April 1, 2012 was a hard day for me.  I was 41 weeks, 2 days pregnant and I had been experiencing prodromal labor all week.  I lost my mucous plug on Friday and had been having a bloody discharge ever since.  After contracting 7 minutes apart all day on Saturday and waking up Sunday morning not in labor, I felt completely defeated.  Daddy B had driven in and surprised me on Thursday and planned to stay through Sunday.  We felt sure everything would start while he was there.  I called Doula M and we talked through everything.  I had reached the end of my rope emotionally and physically and was simply tired of the waiting game, as I had literally been by myself at my brother’s house waiting to go in to labor since March 9th at 38 weeks.  Dr. C was out of town and I had declined an offered induction before he left so was taking my chances that I would either get the on-call doctor , decide to go to a birth center or still be pregnant when he returned the following Wednesday.  The normal fears about being so far in to the pregnancy were starting to creep in to my head and Doula M, Daddy B and I decided it would be a good idea for me to call Dr. C Monday morning (he had given me a way to reach him while he was out of town) and get in to see one of his partner physicians to get a biophysical profile ultrasound done to make sure baby looked good and have a cervical check to see if things were moving forward.  Then, I was going to ask to be induced Wednesday morning at 41 weeks 5 days if I was a favorable candidate.  Doula M told me while I was getting off the phone that she hoped to hear from me during the night that I was in labor, but I told her not to get her hopes up.  I talked to my mom that night too and told her the same thing when she said maybe I’d go in to labor that night.  I went to bed feeling slightly defeated, but happy that I had an end in sight.  Daddy B decided to go ahead and start his week of vacation so he could be with me and support me through the next couple of days.  

At 2am, my body woke me slightly from sleep and I noticed I felt a small gush of fluid.  I reached down and realized that my underwear was wet and realized immediately my water had broken!  I got out of bed quickly and even made it to the bathroom before anything got on the floor!  As I was walking out of the room, I turned to Daddy B and said, “Babe, my water just broke.”  He JUMPED up and said “Okay!  I’m ready! I’ll go get Aunt K!” I told him not to go get Aunt K, that things could take a while and made my way to the bathroom.  He brought me my phone and then disappeared.  I called Doula M and she told me to try to get some rest until contractions started and warned me it could take awhile.  I look up while on the phone and literally within the span of a few minutes, Aunt K had appeared in the bathroom and Daddy B was fully dressed!  I told them to calm down, sent Aunt K back to bed (after she made me put on a ridiculous looking Depends diaper she brought home from work “just in case”  haha) and Daddy B and I tried laying back down.  Contractions started about 3:30am and were 7 minutes apart and growing in intensity.  I had been reading for a while and had just started to feel tired again when I realized that things were picking up.  I laid there for about an hour timing them and about 4:30am, asked Daddy B if he was asleep, which he immediately replied, “No.”  We decided to get up, take showers and take our time getting things organized and put together for the hospital.  At 5:30am we were all packed and ready and contractions were about 6 minutes apart but still tolerable.  I knew it wasn’t time to leave yet, so Daddy B and I decided to go to IHOP and have breakfast (don't worry, I took off the Depends!).  I contracted throughout the meal, but everything tasted so good and I knew I was going to have a long day ahead of me.  I called Dr. C around 6am Texas time (he was in Florida) and told him what was going on.  He told me to wait until contractions were about 4 minutes apart and then start the hour drive to the hospital.  By 7:30am, contractions were getting stronger and were about 3:45 minutes apart.  Although we knew it was rush hour in DFW, I didn’t feel comfortable with waiting any longer and Aunt K, Daddy B and I headed to the hospital.  The drive took 2 hours and laboring in the car was horrible!  Contractions spaced out some while in the car, but the intensity was growing still.  At 9:30am, Doula M met us in the lobby and we got settled in to a room.  They did the initial cervical check and I was 3cm and 70% effaced, baby was at -3 station.  Definitely NOT the news I wanted to hear!  I thought I had to be at least 4cm and was bummed baby was up so high still.  The nurse sent me to walk for 45 minutes or so and then I needed to come back and be on the monitors for 20 minutes.  Doula M and I went to the skywalk that connects the Center for Women to the hospital and I did sort of modified “elephant walking” to try to open my pelvis and let the baby drop.  After monitoring, I was sent out to walk again until about 12:35pm.  Doula M thinks that during that time walking, I entered in to active labor.  Things were getting stronger and more uncomfortable and getting through each contraction took more focus to stay relaxed.  When I got back to the room, I was checked out by the doctor on call, Dr. B.  She had a great personality and really contributed to a good birth atmosphere.  Unfortunately I was still 3cm and baby was still at -3.  I kept laboring in different positions to try to open my pelvis, but at 2pm, my water had been broken for 12 hours and Dr. B wanted to start pitocin to try to pick the labor up.  I hated the idea, but Doula M and Dr. B reassured me that Dr. C would be doing the same thing.  It was also around this time that Amiga C made it up to the hospital.

Contractions definitely picked up after the pitocin started and were starting to become consistent at 3 minutes apart.  I labored all around the bed, sitting on my birth ball, standing, having one foot up on a trash can to open things (and be called Captain Morgan!).  They checked me at 5pm and I was 4cm, 80% effaced and baby was at -2 station.  Not much progress.  I was starting to experience a lot of pain and my mantra of “relax in to the pain” wasn’t working as effectively.  I was really discouraged because I couldn’t believe I wasn’t even half way there!  We suspected the baby to be big and Dr. B said the most important thing in VBAC deliveries with big babies is for the baby to be moving down the birth canal and in my case, we were aiming for a birth within 24 hours of my water breaking due to increased risk of infection.  At one point, I had gone to the bathroom and spent quite a few contractions laboring on the toilet trying to let things open and I was making really loud, low noises trying to get through each contraction.  I started to lose my composure and was very, very tired.  I realized after that cervical check that I felt I needed some kind of pain relief in order to let the contractions due what they needed to do.  Doula M, Aunt K, Amiga C, Daddy B and I all talked about it over and over.  I decided to wait an hour and try hands and knees and use the squat bar to get the baby to come down, which felt horrible!  By 6pm, I wanted an epidural.  My support team asked me over and over if I was sure and I said I was.  After they placed the epidural, I was checked again and was 6 cm, 80% effaced and baby was still at -2 station.  Dr. B discovered I had developed a fore-bag of waters and we decided to break that in hopes baby would drop lower.  The epidural was good and wasn’t too strong for me to not feel each contraction or move myself around in the bed, but really took the edge off and let me relax.  Close to 8pm, I was checked again and was 7cm, 90% effaced and baby was at -1.  I knew at that point I had made the right decision because I obviously needed to relax more through the contractions for them to be effective.  My 9pm, I was 8cm and 95% effaced, baby still at -1 station.  At some point during this time, I received a dose of antibiotics to prevent any infection that could be sneaking up because of my water being broken.  At 10pm, I was 9 1/2 cm, 100% effaced and baby was at 0 station.  The nurse was able to push the last lip of my cervix past baby’s head and said we should be pushing in an hour.  I was thrilled!  Doula M told me that she also had thought it was time for me to get an epidural, but wanted it to be completely my decision.  She also said she believed if Dr. C had been there, he would have recommended an epidural.  Doula M said she felt I was having transition strength contractions for close to two hours and in a normal delivery that moved quicker, a mom would have those for an hour and be ready to push.

This is when things got sort of crazy and my memory gets fuzzy. Around 11pm, my epidural medicine ran out and the decision was made not to give me any more pain relief so I could be effective at pushing.  We all thought I would start pushing around 11pm, but the nurse told us Dr. B might want me to “labor down” for a couple of hours to try to let the baby move down further.  The nurse also started talking to me about things that they could have to do with the suspected big baby like breaking their clavicle bone in their shoulder or pushing on my stomach while I pushed to get the baby to descend.  I got so frustrated with her!  I asked her to drop it, I hadn’t even started pushing yet and we didn’t know how big this baby was.  At that point, I didn’t have much of an epidural left and I was NOT in the mood to hear all those scare tactics, which she said she just had to warn me in case they needed to.  I felt it was unnecessary.  She left the room and around 11:30 pm, I really started to feel the need to push.  I started to feel nauseous and running a low grade fever, which I was told were both signs I was ready to push.  I was very uncomfortable and we were half an hour past when we thought we would start pushing.  All of us were annoyed it was taking so long for them to come in so Doula M told me that if I felt like I needed to push, to just start pushing through each contraction.  She talked me through how to do it and so for the next 30 minutes, I pushed three times through each contraction.  It really was a relief from the pain and pressure! Finally, at 12:05am, the nurse came in and we started active pushing.  The baby was moving down well while pushing, but was “turtling” every time I’d stop.  Pressure was building and building and by this point I was back to a natural delivery with no epidural.  As the minutes passed, I was getting exhausted and any time I wasn’t pushing I was in agony.  I was so ready for this to be over!  Dr. B wanted me to get another round of antibiotics and I adamantly said no because the first dose burned really badly coming through the IV. 

The whole team in the delivery room started cheering me on and kept me going.  I had to pull energy from the depths of my being to keep pushing and felt truly exhausted.  I could see Aunt K and Amiga C in my peripheral vision and knew I had to be getting close because they were starting to get excited, covering their mouths and crying.  At some point, I was told to reach down and feel my baby’s head!  I had dreamt about that moment!  I soon felt the much anticipated “Ring of Fire” and it is no joke!  Everyone kept telling me I was so close but I just wanted someone to tell me how much longer.  Doula M must have read my mind because she looked me in the eye and said, “You’re going to meet your baby in two minutes.”  That gave me the motivation I needed to push through the last bit and pushed non stop until the baby came out.  I remember feeling the head and hearing “The head is out,” pushing twice more and then at 1:23am and 23 hours of labor, my VBAC baby was born!  I looked down and Daddy B and I saw we were blessed with a second son!!  Doula M had undone my gown and Baby B was put directly on to my chest.  I just kept crying and saying, “Oh my God!  Oh my God!” Everyone was telling me “You did it!”  I was so wrapped up in everything that it didn’t even phase me that Baby B was born a little floppy, scoring an initial apgar score of 7, but as soon as he was on me, he came to life and by his second apgar score, he scored a 9.  Unfortunately him being a little floppy prevented my much desired delayed cord clamping, but Daddy B did still get to cut the cord.  I had him on my chest for quite awhile, probably due to the fact that the whole team in the delivery room was so caught up in my VBAC that no one called the nursery!  We thought that was hilarious!  The nursery nurse was awesome and came and asked my permission to take Baby B to weigh him.  I took the opportunity to call my mom, as she couldn’t be there and five minutes later, Baby B was given back to me.  He weighed 8lbs 14oz and was 21” long.  He was 5 oz bigger than Baby C!  I felt so justified!  I just birthed a baby bigger than my “big baby” who I was lead to believe couldn’t fit through my so-called curved and shallow pelvis.  Everyone said I should take a picture of me flipping off the camera and holding Baby B and send it to my old OB who sectioned me with Baby C!  

I birthed the placenta (which felt amazing for some reason) and had a second degree tear.  Everyone laughed when I jumped at the lidocain shot for the stitches because of everything I had just been through, but I told them that sharp stick of pain was way different than what I had just experienced and caught me off guard!

Baby B was brought back to me and I got to witness the amazing miracle of watching a baby move themselves towards the breast to start feeding.  Aunt K and Amiga C headed home and doula M helped get us latched on and nursing and then said her goodbyes.  Finally, it was down to Daddy B, Baby B and I.  What was really cool was that I was able to get myself out of bed and go with the nurses to the rest room to get a dressing put on before going to my postpartum room.  Yes, I was sore, but I was up walking around immediately after birth!  It was incredible compared to a c-section!  The recovery has continued to be great and I am constantly amazed with how good I feel.  One of the weirdest parts for me was in the day following delivery, every muscle in my body was sore like I had just ran a marathon and lifted a ton of weights!  I guess I did kind of get a work out!  haha

Daddy B cuddling Baby B in the hospital.  Baby B was working up to a good cry.  hehe

The other amazing thing has been how well nursing has been going.  I struggled so much with Baby C and Baby B has been latching on like a champ.  Our hospital stay was about 36 hours, mainly due to the fact that I delivered at 1:23am and had to stay 24 hours.  I saw the lactation consultant three times during my stay and she said I had things down perfect and it would just be a matter of practice and getting through the first couple of weeks until things got easier.  

One crazy thing that happened on Baby B's birthday are the storms that moved through DFW and caused like 13 tornados.  We all had to evacuate in to the hallway of the hospital!  Luckily, the storms missed us.  

Here's us "evacuated." This picture really speaks to me.  If you notice, there is a c-section mom behind my shoulder.  That could have been me if I hadn't educated myself on VBAC.  Instead of being rolled out in a bed, I walked out of the room carrying my baby!

We spent Wednesday night at my brother and Aunt K’s and I let Daddy B get a full night’s rest for the drive home the next day.  Aunt K only had to come help me once during the night and it was to work her Auntie magic and hold Baby B so I could use the restroom.  We left Thursday morning around 10:30am and the drive went well.  We made a stop every couple of hours to nurse and let me use the restroom and made it home about 6pm. 

Baby B on the way home.

 MIL had made us an amazing dinner of roast, mashed potatoes, green beans and gooey butter cake and had the house spotless!  I felt so blessed!  My parents sent a huge bouquet of yellow roses congratulating me on a job well done and of course on our new addition. When I called them they made sure to tell me that those flowers were for ME and that they were very proud of me.  It is so wonderful to have so many people understand what I just accomplished in my VBAC.  Baby C is pretty interested in his baby brother, but would rather be coloring or watching Mickey Mouse at this point.  I'll do another post with pictures of them meeting for the first time.

The coolest thing that happened on the drive was that my milk came in!  It took 6 days with Baby C and was nothing by that point due to the supplementing and pumping.  It took 2 days with Baby B and we haven’t looked back!  Last night he had some gas and wasn’t too interested in latching on for a good stretch, by we massaged his belly and got some of that worked out and by this morning he was nursing well again.  I'm having to increase how often I'm nursing because we aren't seeing as many dirty diapers as we need to, but I'm determined to stay committed and we will get there together.

My milk drunk baby

Overall, my birth experience was exactly what I wanted it to be.  Yes, I wish I could have done without pitocin and an epidural, but I felt they were both used correctly medically and contributed to a positive birth outcome.  My experience reiterated to me that medical interventions in birth have a time and a place when used right.  My plan was to have an unmedicated birth, but I have always said I am open to my plan changing and adapting to what my body told me I needed.  I couldn’t be more pleased with how everything turned out!

Early Labor

41 weeks, 2 days.

I know I have so many wonderful friends and family that are anxious to hear that the baby has been born, but I just don't have much to tell you yet.  I started having contractions yesterday around 12pm, started timing them around 3pm and they were 7 minutes apart.  I called Doula M and we felt sure this was it and she told me to call her when they were about 5 minutes apart.  They never got closer together and I went to bed around 12:30 am.  I woke up about every hour or so from a strong contraction, but did get relatively good sleep.  At 7am, I texted Doula M, timed a few and they were still 7 minutes apart.  They have been much stronger today, but have varied in time intervals.

I am very frustrated.  I felt sure this baby would be here by now and feel like people think I'm crazy for waiting so long. 

On a VERY good note, on Thursday afternoon I was here at my brother's by myself trying to keep occupied by watching a movie.  My brother travels Tuesday-Thursday and was due to be home around 4:30pm.  Well around 2pm, I heard the garage door open.  I figured my brother caught an earlier flight and was already home (which he does often.)  I heard the door to the house open said, "Hello?" and Daddy B walked around the corner!!  He has this weekend off and as much as I wanted to ask him to come to Texas, I wasn't going to because his mom is at our house with Baby C.  We went on a date Thursday night, went out to lunch yesterday and have just really been enjoying spending time together after three weeks apart.  He is definitely my rock.  His support these past few days through all these contractions has been so, so comforting to me.  I like just waking up in the night and feeling him next to me, asking if I'm alright after my many bathroom trips and holding me when I cry because I want my baby here so bad.  He keeps reminding me the baby is healthy and moving and that I'm not on a time limit.  I get really upset at the thought of him having to leave without me because the baby didn't make their apperance this weekend, but he decided to go ahead and start his week of vacation beginning tomorrow and stay.  We know it HAS to be soon.  I've had so many good signs that active labor is near.

I just love my husband, my brother, and Aunt K who have been putting up with me all weekend and encouraging me to hang in there.  I know my close friends and family know that I'm at the end of my rope with this pregnancy and appreciate their prayers.

Hopefully my next post will be this stubborn baby's birth story! ;)

40 Weeks 5 Days Appointment

We thought yesterday was the day.  I woke up at 3:30am with contractions every 10 minutes and lasting 1:30 minutes.  This went on until almost 7am when I took a shower, then slowed down, then returned at 8 minutes apart and a minute or so a piece.  Then I ate breakfast and they became erratic the rest of the day.  It was so frustrating!  Doula M told me to take two Tylenol PM and head to bed.  Needless to say, I'm still pregnant and yesterday was my first true experience of  prodromal labor.

I missed my appointment with Dr. C yesterday due to us all thinking I was in early labor, but he actually called me around 12pm to check in on me since I had been a no show and it helped talking to him.  Yesterday showed me that my body does in fact know how to have consistent contractions and that eventually, this baby WILL come out! 

So I called first thing this morning to get in to see Dr. C before he left town. I'm 2 cm dilated!  Woo hoo!  I only ever got to 5 cm in my induced labor with Baby C, so to hear I'm already 2 cm was awesome.  I asked him what he thought about stripping my membranes, but he said with how much progress I made in the past week and what he knows I want out of this birth, he would rather me wait and let my body do it all on its own. 

My blood pressure is a little raised at 126/90, but Dr. C said my urine is clean and that he actually is surprised my blood pressure isn't higher due to my unique set of circumstances.  He also said my body is just about maxed out in physical capacity, so he'd expect my blood pressure to be up!

For all those who are concerned about the baby because I've passed my due date, the baby is very active and has a very strong heartbeat.  Please remember that in most women, a healthy pregnancy can go to 42 weeks and it's called an "Estimated Due Date" for a reason.

We also talked about my options for while he is out of town.  He has talked with the midwife and that option is all set up, but he also talked with the doctor in his practice who will covering for him.  I know of several women who have had a VBAC with her and am excited that I still feel the hospital is a good option for us!  Daddy B and I feel most comfortable in a hospital and would really appreciate the time we would be able to stay after baby is born to bond without interruptions.  Dr. C told me that he will be calling me while he is out of town and has instructed Dr. D (the on call doctor) that I am free to call him at any time during my labor if I want to talk to him.  This definitely made me feel good because my biggest concern with him being gone is if I end up needing a c-section and not having him there reassuring me that it is truly medically necessary.  Now at least I know I can call and get his counsel before agreeing to anything.

Doula M has been such a great support over the past few days.  I seriously urge any expecting mom out there to hire a doula.  Doula M's experience and kindness has made this time waiting much more bearable and it is so nice to have someone to ask questions to and get solid answers.  I really feel that between her, Daddy B and myself, we have a clear vision of what we want out of this birthing experience.  Now if I could just have the next time I contact her be because I'm in REAL labor, that would be nice. ;)

Unexpected Doctor Visit

I'm 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant today and I went to see Dr. C this morning.  I declined a cervical check last week, but thought since I'm now a week past the point in the pregnancy I was induced with Baby C, I'd go ahead and get checked to see where I stood.  I was expecting a couple of centimeters or something, considering I've been taking my EPO, walking, using the ball, etc., and was disappointed when Dr. C told me I was maybe a fingertip dilated, cervix was still very high, but it was soft.  My belly measured 41 cm last week and today actually measured only 38 cm, which I'm told is because the baby has officially "dropped." 

Then Dr. C told me that he wanted to talk to me about the option of induction.  On Saturday.  The reason being is because he is going out of town on Wednesday (will probably return the following Monday) and wanted me to be able to have him as my doctor for delivery, seeing all that I've gone through to have him be my care provider.  I was alone in the room since my brother took me out to this appointment and was completely, absolutely overwhelmed.  I just started crying.  I took it so personally and even though Dr. C had the best intentions in offering the induction to me, I felt I had failed and my body was still broken.  I left with a 7:30am appointment for Saturday to start pitocin.  I went to the stair well, sat down, and called Doula M.  We talked for awhile and I realized more and more this was NOT what I wanted, not in the least!  Dr. C ensured me he thought I'd do fine being induced and have a vaginal delivery, but I realized while talking to Doula M that I'd have an IV, I'd need continuous fetal monitoring and I wouldn't even have access to a shower for pain relief!  Not to mention the long list of interventions that so often happen after that first drop of pitocin enters your body.  I was devastated.  Of course I'm tired of being pregnant, of course I like the idea that Daddy B could definitely be there, but could I live with myself and all that I've learned and have come to believe about child birth and how my body is made to do this if I let myself be induced?  I realized within minutes I could not.

After talking to Doula M, Daddy B, Aunt K, and my brother at length, I called and cancelled the induction appointment.  I had also called the midwife I had seen at my 35 week appointment and confirmed with her that if I went in to labor while Dr. C was out of town, I could come to the birth center (she said yes, of course!).  Dr. C called me back and told me he completely supported my decision and he'd see me at my next appointment if I haven't gone in to labor. 

I'm actually glad this happened.  I know Dr. C offered the induction with pure intentions, but it made me realize how much I want to go in to labor on my own and have a natural birth.  I also realized that as much of a hero Dr. C is to me, I cannot count on him to get me through this VBAC.  I have to count on myself and my body and what it was made by God to do. 

P.S.  I have a lot of pictures of the "natural" things Aunt K and I have been trying to try to get labor started.  Some of them are pretty hilarious!  I'll try to post those soon as well as my birth plan.

32 Week Happenings

32 weeks today!  Can't believe that I'm only 8 weeks from my due date and 6 weeks from the final trip to Texas for the birth.  Time is flying by and this baby in my belly is getting bigger and bigger.  I realized something this past week... women want to get pregnant again because they remember the SECOND trimester.  Other than my leg getting worse, I felt so great the second trimester.  I had this cute belly, could feel the baby and more or less felt like my usual self.  Now that we're well under way on the third trimester, I have feet in my ribs, can't breathe when I bend over and my stamina is shot!  I'm not complaining, don't get me wrong, but I just forgot what it felt like!  haha

Here's the proof that this baby is growing:

I travel to Texas next Friday for an appointment and then Aunt K, Amiga C and two other close friends are being sweet enough to throw my a baby shower to celebrate this little one on the way.  I'm really looking forward to seeing some of my favorite friends and family.  Look how cute the invite is! Amiga C had them made and I'm simply in love with them.

(edited to remove all personal info)

I am so blessed to have women in my life who love me and my children enough to want to throw a second baby shower for me.  It is not necessary, but very appreciated!

I'm getting more and more excited for the birth.  Like I said before, I'm not looking forward to the time away from Baby C and Daddy B, but I'm really looking forward to meeting this new baby and experiencing their very unique birth story.  I had a long talk the other day with Doula M about more of the details I'm concerned with surrounding the delivery day and she made me feel more at ease about everything.  I know she and Dr. C will support me through the entire process in ways that only they can do as professionals.  I'm already wondering how people do it without a doula!  I'm so thankful she is experienced and knowledgeable and I can text her "Why do I feel the baby's hiccups high up if they are head down?" and "How much raspberry leaf tea should I be drinking?"  You know, things I can google of course, but it sure is nice to have a person I actually know that I can ask the questions to and not feel dumb!  haha  So if you're reading, thanks Doula M! :)

29 Week Appointment in Texas

After we made the decision to stay with Dr. C and talked with his office to arrange the beginning of the details for my prenatal care, I started to need to think about all of the logistics of having the baby back in Texas.  The first thing that crossed my mind was that I needed to find my doula.  I already had a couple of fabulous women in mind that I had met in ICAN, but one in particular was at the forefront.  Doula M (as she will be referred to on this blog) has been a support to me since I joined ICAN.  She was one of the first people to write me in response to what type of questions to ask a potential care provider and when I had major questions about the Nurse-Midwife group I visited back in April, I called her and she helped talk me through the pros and cons of the practice.  Of course you know after I heard Dr. C speak, we made the decision to go with him!

I've definitely learned a lot through this journey so far, not only about birth, but what is important to me as a birthing mother.  When I thought about what I feel I need on delivery day, I knew that I wanted that continued support I've always felt from Doula M.  I also knew that she wasn't taking as many clients as she is a super busy mom to four and I was only giving her a couple months notice.  But as God's plan would have it, I e-mailed her and explained our crazy situation and for some crazy reason, she wanted to jump on this roller coaster!  haha!  I really felt peace after her and I talked because I truly felt like God was in control of my situation.  Isn't funny how you try to live by that mantra and are continuously surprised by God's grace in your life?!

My 29 week appointment was set for this past Friday at 3:35pm.  I hit the road around 7:45am and had to stop every hour or hour and a half because of my leg (more on that in a minute).  I arrived to at Amiga C's house around 1:15pm and got to visit her, her 18 month old and her sweet little 6 week old boy.  I could only stay for an hour and it was super hard to leave!  I got to Dr. C's office at 3:30pm or so and then Doula M joined me shortly after. I was so glad she was able to come to the appointment!  She has done plenty of deliveries with Dr. C and it was good for her to see first hand the details being made between myself and Dr. C and get a full scope on what was going on with this particular pregnancy.

Health wise, everything looks great.  My blood pressure was 119/60, I put on a few pounds over Christmas, the baby sounded great at 148 bpm and is head down now.  The only thing I've been concerned about is the large varicose vein that has developed on my left leg.  I'm pretty sure I've mentioned it on here before, but it starts in my groin area and wraps around behind my knee to continue on my calf.  I did not have it before becoming pregnancy and it showed up about 8 weeks in to the pregnancy.  It has only gotten worse and now aches quite a bit of the time.  I told the nurse about it when she asked me if I had any concerns before seeing Dr. C and she had me undress from the waist down so he could take a look.  What was funny is that Dr. C walked in and said to me, "I have to tell you, you look great!  But why are you not wearing any pants?"  haha!!  He did a really thorough exam on it and wasn't too pleased with how nasty it looked.  What scares him is what he can't see that could be deeper in my leg.  I had worn those support hose he prescribed, but they would bunch up behind my knee and hurt the vein, since that is the worst part.  When he looked at the hose he told me they were useless and even though I was fitted for them at a medical supply store, they were too big and to stop wearing them.  Unfortunately, now I'm forbidden to lay on my left side and he told me that any time I don't "need" to be standing, I need to be sitting or lying down with my leg elevated.  If you know me, you know I'm a busy body and a clean freak.  This is going to be a big lesson in humility because I have to ask Daddy B for a lot more help around the house than I'm comfortable with. :(  I'm also going to start taking the herbal supplement Vari Gone, which should help with the aching and appearance of the vein.  I pretty much have no choice but to listen to my doctor on this one, as the biggest risk is developing a blood clot in my leg, which would put me on bed rest and also runs the risk of the clot traveling to dangerous places.  No fun!  It's really frustrating to me because I feel really great this pregnancy with the exception of my leg.

Dr. C spent an hour with us at the appointment and I realized that his entire staff now knows me as "the one from Louisiana."  That's not how I saw this pregnancy progressing, but I'm thankful they all care!  Dr. C truly is amazing and we talked about all the "what ifs" of me going in to labor.  He told me or Doula M to call him directly if anything concerning happens or if I go in to labor before 38 weeks.  The plan right now is to see him again at 33 weeks, 35 weeks and then I'll be there full time at 38 weeks.  He was so encouraging about my decision to stay with him as a doctor and told me simply that I'm committed to my VBAC, which was encouraging to hear. He also said that he expected me to come back.  He had hoped that I would find a supportive care provider in Louisiana, but truly didn't think I would.  He also told me that Louisiana isn't even the worst state in the south not supporting VBAC and places like Mississippi and Alabama pretty much outlaw it completely.  That makes me so sad for the moms there!

After the appointment, Doula M and I talked for another hour about what I want for the birth, what happened with Baby C's birth and what she suggests in preparing for everything.  I'm really thankful to have her as such an integral part of our birth team!

I got home yesterday around 3:30pm and had a really nice evening with some of our new friends from the Birth Rite Louisiana group.  We invited them over for dinner since they just had baby #3 on December 23rd and I hadn't gotten around to making her a dinner to take over because of the craziness of Christmas.  Its so nice to have a friend in the neighborhood!  We can literally see each other's front doors!

Finally, here's the monthly belly comparison.  Sorry the new picture isn't positioned as well as the 24 week.  In our bathroom in the new house and I can't stand as far back from the mirror!

Next up, I'll fill you in on some of the details of this crazy birth plan!

Raw Emotions

I wanted to blog about this while the emotions are still fresh on my mind.

It's a little thing, really, but for some reason it seems so big.

Since this whole thing started, you know... recovering emotionally from the c-section and researching, preparing and praying over a VBAC, it has felt so far away.  When you're this mom who just loves her babies and wants to have that instant bonding moment with them you feel is your right as a woman but never even had the option to have, the idea of a second chance at it pulls at your heartstrings.

I've been researching VBAC for nearly two years now and dreamed of the day I would get pregnant again to work towards that goal.  Well here I sit, pregnant and creeping closer to halfway through this pregnancy every day.  I felt some peace after deciding on Dr. C and then started looking in to a doula.  I emailed two different individuals before the news of the move and both were unavailable.  At the time, I didn't realize how much it bothered me.  Not that it is the doula's fault, but it's just a lot of thought went behind sending out that e-mail to them asking if they thought they fit what I wanted for my birth.  When they said they wish they could, but for one reason or another couldn't, I guess I felt like it wasn't real yet.

So this moving news came and I started looking in to the area in Louisiana that we are moving to.  It has a population of 47,000 or so.  Did you read that right?  The suburb I live in has 153,000 and we were driving an hour north to see Dr. C!  It has been daunting to do searches online for doulas and come up with one name and nothing comes up for VBAC friendly doctors or midwives.

So I contacted DONA International and asked them to send me a list of doulas in the area.  They sent 3 names within a 50 mile radius of the city.  I e-mailed all three this morning.  I didn't know what to expect.  But tonight, I got a reply.  It's nothing elaborate, but it literally made me cry these tears of relief.  Someone out there is interested in my birth!  This may not make much sense... but I guess it doesn't have to.  And if you know these emotions yourself or have talked with me about them, I suppose you probably know where they are coming from.

Just for grins, here is the (edited) reply:

I love your story!! I would love to consider working with you. :-) I had an amazing waterbirth a month ago today, with a midwife. I would definitely recommend her and the center. It is in a hospital, and is a team of midwives with two normal birth supportive doctors.

So this will be short because I have a three-year-old and a one-month-old, lol, but I would like to talk further with you soon. I think by your EDD I would be able to doula for you, and if not, there are some great doulas I think you would fit well with in Lafayette as well. I think you are in a really great place with your decisions and reflection on your  first birth. I have heard some incredible stories about the midwife about very successful, empowering VBACS.

Good for you!!!!!!!!